~ a girl's guide to building a duck pen...

OK, so.
We needed a duck pen because James, Jumper, Lily, and Lucy are almost humungo now.  I'm fairly certain that one morning I am bound to wake up and find them roaming freely in the shed side of the shed house because their barn apartment is a hole in the wall for them now. It doesn't matter, you need not completely understand what I am trying to colorfully describe.  As long as you get the general idea you will be in business.  (Hint: We are housing them in my son's barn toy box.  Wait.  In his barn SHAPED toy box.)

Anyway.  So.  Hold on to your horses because I am about to take you on a two and a half day journey on how to construct a duck pen.  And all of this is important because some day you too may find yourself needing a duck pen and I want you to be thoroughly prepared.

To begin, you need a phone.  And a Sister-In-Law who has had kids and ducks.  

This will be a vital phone call because this is when you will create the image in your brain of what you want the duck pen to look like after it is built.  It may take 90 minutes or so of discussion but in the end you will know, without a shadow of a doubt, exactly the best way to build your duck pen.  You will feel ready and the ducks need you to be ready.

Of course, after the phone call, something is bound to distract you so it will not be until the next day that you will line your kiddos up at the kitchen table to draw the specifications of the duck pen.  The children will have all sorts of very important details that will help you realize just how smart the little rascals are.  They will help you make a list of supplies, come up with the measurements, and help you make sure it has all the important requirements to keep the ducks safe; like an underground hide out. 

And once you have concocted your plan you will be even more ready! 

First, you will need wood.  Now, I am just going to flat out tell you the truth here because there is no sense in beating around ... I failed geometry in high school.  I actually didn't fail, I dropped the class because I was failing so bad.  It was terrible.  Awful.  I am thankful I was able to continue on and earn my math credits else where, like Computer Programming 1, of which I remember nothing.

So, even though I drew out the image of the duck pen, made a list of how many pieces, counted, measured, and wrote it all down; when I got to Lowe's and the wood I decided to use was 2' longer than planned I just said, "Sure, 8 pieces will be fine."  ... I need to make sure you are extra prepared because you too might leave with the incorrect number of pieces of wood.  Just get over it and be sure to plan time for a second trip, from which you will end up with extra wood.     

At this point, you will need lots of coffee to help you handle the two days of rain that will show up.

You are going to need a tape measure.  Skill saw.  (Hello, way easier than a chain saw.)

And screws.

Lots of screws.  If your dad is a carpenter he may cringe at the sight of your work the same way you may cringe at the way he folds his clothes.

Way more screws than you pictured in your head you were going to need.  And this will happen because either you have the wrong type of wood or you have the wrong type of screw for the wood.  But either way your determination will shine and you will just keep on driving screw after screw until you feel the duck pen is sturdy enough.

And then there is this stuff.  A big roll of pain the the butt.  This stuff is nothing but a yo-yo on steroids.

When you roll it out it will roll right back up.  When you ask your daughter to roll it out while you stand on one end she will most likely not hear you.  So, be sure to ask your son because the show is worth every second.  A pull and a twist and a grunt and a whiny "I can't MOoam!"  My best advice to you at this point is to use your down deep voice and say sternly (or just scream), "DO IT NOW or the DUCKS will DIE!" ... It will do the trick and you will see very quickly how your kids really are strong!  I highly suggest to wear gloves from get go.  I mean, who wouldn't wear gloves from get go?  Not this girl.

OK, so it's also extremely important to keep working regardless of what is happening around you.  There may be few minor glitches that, if you simply take my advice, you will easily overcome. 

#1.  Don't forget to set up a station, so that once you realize that it is almost supper time and not lunch time, you can put the kids in time out so you can focus and they can do math. 

#2.  Just be sure to keep your cool when you realize that your two boys thought it would be fun to play "Let's be Ducks" and pretend (well, not pretend) to dunk their heads under the make shift pond the REAL DUCKS were swimming in.  And I say this because...

... after you catch them you might just feel like giving up.  But, don't you dare!  You are almost finished!  After they take their shower and you manage to mentally wrestle with the boy you grounded to your side for the rest of the afternoon you will soon enough be able to ...

... GO MAKE SUPPER.
And yes, you can totally use duck (ha ha ha) tape to fix the break in the wood you just might have!